question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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