I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
