Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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