Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
