i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
