You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
