Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
