Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
