there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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