worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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