Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sarcasm needs its own font
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
