You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
