His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
