I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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