I have demons in me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
