she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
