never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Help. Why am I so naked?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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