in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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