it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize