matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A+ Viking dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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