Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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