I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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