We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
