I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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