babies were throwing up all over the place
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
