it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
