video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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