remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
