I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
