My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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