I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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