I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
