last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
