I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
