sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
