I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
