I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
