Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
