Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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