As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
