so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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