Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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