he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
