is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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