Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
