At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
