If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
