Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
