I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
