there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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