I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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