Your tits are I can't wait for
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
