My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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