"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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