i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
