Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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