I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize