Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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