you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
