Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
