And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
