i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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