Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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