Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
