Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
