I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
