Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
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Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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