Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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