i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
