In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
