I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
