First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
