I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
