will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
