Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
